Tuesday, 28 August 2012

three days to go

'He'  has been looking on  the internet. He thinks that we do not have enough cute animals in the the house. This is what HWMBI gets up to while I am at work. I come home to the dog eating pizza in bed and the cat sitting in a box in the front room, glowering.  HWMBI was looking at skunks as pets, red pandas as pets and  ferrets as pets.  And falabella ponies as house pets. ( see previous blog about crap on the carpet!) He thinks that any thing remotely furry is a good pet... the fuzzier the fur the better. He probably thinks that Chewbacca  would be nice to walk round the park on a Sunday morning and would enjoy frightening the purple rinse COS brigade. Chewbacca would be easier to deal with than the Pit Bull when she meets Handsome Harry the flat coat, he is the Peirce Brosnan of dogs and the pit bull, the Anne Widdicome of dogs. She hates him with a passion. He  does not seen to realise that she is not actually playing hard to get, she really will bite off his reproductive organs, chew them up and spit them out. But on he comes,  The Handsome Harry, waggling his bottom and his tongue hanging out the side of his big silly mouth.  The pitbull always waits until he is within striking distance and she never misses. I'm not sure if it is  his daft smiley face that upsets her, his very good pedigree or the fact that he wears a red velvet collar, but something about him upsets her.
Imagine how HWMBI would behave if he was taking a ferret out for a walk.    There would be bunny massacre,  Watership battlefield.  It would be like alien versus predator but very close to the ground.
Worked usual 12 hour shift, got chatting to a few folk about problem pets. I knew about the attack donkey who lives in a farm yard.  Drive in there, stay in your car and sound your horn. There is no point in keeping your eye on the manky alsation, it's the wee donkey creeping up behind you that will kill you. The donkey is called Rosie I think, those that know her call her psychodonkey.  Sounds like a seaside cover version of a Talking Heads song.

There is a cute ferret, Minky who is a bit of a scoundrel. She went ..through the vent for the tumble dryer, in and out the pipe, then ripped it apart and got into the cavity walls, ran all over the house, builders bill for £500 to try and find the wee sod. By then she had chewed all kinds of wires and had a great time.

The prize had to go to  Penfold. Penfold was left in the house . The woman said to the heating engineer that she would have to go out  to post a letter and that he would be OK with Penfold. She went out, Penfold decided that he was not happy and went on the offensive. He attacked, biting the engineer in the face and  and hands. The heating engineer ran from the house face bleeding.  Penfold is a macaw. About £1500 of macaw.

65 emails came into today but they will have to wait. Too tired, will have to wrestle the pit bull from the duvet before I can use it. And shake it free from pizza crumbs.


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