Friday, 20 January 2012

Sunday was a new experience. Some lovely, but maybe misguided people had won me at an auction! The prize was lunch with me and the chance to witness my wit, wisdom and dodgy table manners at first hand. They were obviously going to walk away with a full sense of disappointment and an empty wallet.
These events always begin as a slightly nerve wracking experience. I do recall Victoria Wood saying that she had done such an occasion and that she sat there... and sat there..., the other three sat opposite her, looking at her in almost total silence. The only thing they would say was ‘Ok then make us laugh.’ Beforehand, I kept thinking that one of them might say...’so how exactly would you go about killing somebody and get away with it? My husband for example, how would you kill a man like that? Theoretically speaking of course...’ And then start taking notes.....
However Margaret and co were lovely... even more surprising that they all had a law degree (!). Good job that I am used to being the intellectual lightweight. I hope they thought they got value for money and that they had a good time. The meal was donated by the Eglinton Arms in deepest Eaglesham; the Eggie I do believe it is called locally. It is now going to appear in book 5, THE NIGHT HUNTER. I might have to go back and sample the coffee and scones again for research purposes. The Parmesan cheese and polenta rissoles then deep fried goat’s cheese were fab. It was better than a chip butty and Irn Bru on a chilly seat on the beach at Largs. My co nibblers had some slices of dead cow which they seemed to enjoy but I did not enquire. I don’t think I could ever make it as a food critic.
Nice to know that they went off to Asda and we went off to Tesco! HWMBI had been sitting in the car for the entire duration – the whole time. I thought he might have escaped for a Yorkie bar or died of boredom but he said it was bliss, sitting in warm car, listening to his philosophical lectures, his phone off where nobody, including me, could nag him.
It was all in aid of Action Medical Research. A great way of raising funds where I hope, everybody gets something out if it and the charity gets more than anyone. Times are hard for fundraisers ,last year my co diners had out bid the others for a hot air balloon ride, I hope I was slightly more fun than that. Or if not more fun, at least available for lunch in all weathers.
If anybody is interested Alex Grey and I will be doing some joint after dinner speaking for the same charity in Edinburgh on the 23rdMarch at the George hotel... I think I might be the intellectual light weight on that occasion as well.
In fact I think I might be trying to do some fundraising myself as I have just got the bill in for the roof damage. I could buy St Mirren a new goalie for that money. Two in fact.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012

Hi all,

As you can tell by the silence in blog world, things have been very busy indeed. I am postulating on various issues of the universe.

1) Did Barnes Wallis get his idea for the dambuster bombs by watching old ridge tiles bounce
down a slate roof, smashing everything in their path?

2) Fallen trees do make remarkable traffic calming devices.

3) Why does water pouring in the roof make it's way to the ceiling where the newest plaster is
and then make it's way through staining everything in it's path a shitty brown colour ?

4) Am I looking forward to Wullie the plasterer moving back into the house to repair the
plaster he has just repaired? Will he make it on X factor?Is the world ready for him? Is
Simon Cowell?

5) After a week long wait, why does the roofer appear the minute you step unto the bath?

6) In a fight between a remote controlled tank and an old pit bull, the dog will win every time.

7) Did the guy who wrote the exorcist get the pane of glass through the neck idea by watching
the roof come off the football stadium next door and float into his garden with all the precision
of Fatima throwing a javelin. Or sneezing out a cockroach?

8) Did Mr Baum get his idea for the Wizard of Oz by watching next door's hut being lifted up and
spun across the garden? In Glasgow?

9) Everytime I start to do this, another email comes through. I have interesting things in the
pipeline that I'll tell you about tomorrow as another email has just popped through!