“Words,
as is well known, are the great foes of reality”. Joseph Conrad.
But
then reality can be over rated.
As a
child, American writer Sylvia Wright used to like listening to her mother’s
rendition of the Bonnie Earl of Murray from Thomas Percy’s Reliques of Ancient
English Poetry (1765). Sylvia was very fond of this poem which includes the
following stanza:
“Ye highlands and ye lowlands,
Oh, where hae you been?
They hae slain the Earl of Murray,
And laid him on the green.”
What
Sylvia actually heard was one thing. Her brain translated the last two lines as
“they hae slain the Earl o Murray
and Lady Mondegreen.”
In Sylvia’s
mind Lady Mondegreen was a tragic heroine, murdered alongside her husband by
the clan Gordon in the late 1550s. It was only much later in life that Sylvia
realised she had misheard the whole thing and her vivid imagination had done
the rest. Sylvia then wrote an article
in 1954 for Harpers magazine called “The death of Lady Mondegreen” and so the
term ‘Mondegreen’ was born. The definition of a Mondegreen is “the mishearing
of a phrase in such a way that it is commonly understood to have an alternative
meaning.” They appear all over the place
in. In literature? Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland. The master was an old
turtle but called tortoise because he taught us. That doesn’t work at all in a
Scottish accent but never mind. The film Life Of Brian, Monty Python Sermon on
the Mount scene;
‘blessed are the cheese makers.’
‘What’s so special about the cheese makers?’
‘Well it’s obviously not meant to be taken literally. It refers to any manufacturers
of dairy products.’
And
some have moved into popular culture:
Ted Striker: ‘Surely you can’t be serious!’
Dr Rumack: ‘I am serious and don’t call me Shirley!’
There
is a famous Scottish legal one which was reproduced in the letters page of the
times. It’s from a Scottish solicitor and notary public, who received a letter
addressed to a Scottish ‘solicitor and not a republic.’
My Aussie
friend tells me that their national anthem, (written in the late 1800’s but
only became the national song in 1984) is actually ‘Australians all let us
rejoice, for we are young and free.’ It is commonly and mischievously sung as ‘Australians
all own ostriches, four minus one is three.’
My
own Mondegreen is that famous line from Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody; “Spare him
his life from these warm sausages” . I think Freddie actually wrote something
about ‘these monstrosities.’ My pal has heard that sung as ‘Spare him his life
for a warm cup of tea.’
Madonna
is a Mondegreen treasure trove. La Isla Bonita. ‘“Young girl with eyes like
potatoes.” Eyes like the desert I
believe. “Last night I dreamt of some bagels.” Dreamt of San Pedro? I am a material girl can be heard as ‘I am a
cereal girl’. And what about ‘Holiday. Celebrate!’ being Mondegreened as ‘Hollandaise.
Salivate!’ I think that’s an
improvement.
Like many children I did think the Lord’s prayer
went “Harold be thy name, thy kingdom come.” Until I was old enough to be able
to read it.
My gran,
slightly hard of hearing used to sing along to that great Donna Summer disco
classic. ‘I’ve been mugged’….. I feel love.
The
most famous Mondegreen of all is Desmond Dekker’s ‘The Israelites’ often heard
as ‘Oh my ears are alight.’ Painful but amusing.
More
songs that should have been written. ‘Like a bridge over trouble, Walter,’ by Simon
and Garfunkel. ‘I can see clearly now Lorraine has gone,’ by Jimmy Cliff. One
wonders if Lorraine was very overweight or just never cleaned the windows. ‘Strawberry
fields for Trevor.’ Enough said. And
what about that country classic, ‘He’s a vile stoned cowboy?’ And poor Eva Peron. ‘Don’t cry for me, I’m
the cleaner… ‘
Famous
Abba Mondegreens? Chiquitita, tell me
what’s wrong?
Chicken tikka, tell me what’s wrong
Kick yer teeth in, tell me what’s
wrong.
The
Rev Sabine Bearing- Gould wrote Onward Christian Soldiers in 15 minutes at some
point in 1864 and freely admitted that some of the rhymes don’t really scan.
But he might still object to the Mondegreen ‘Onward Christian’s soldiers, march
your ass to war.’
Medical
Mondegreens are common place, probably due to the unusual terminology and the brain
attempting to hone in on something more recognisable.
It’s
the Heimlich manoeuvre – not the Heimlich remover. There was the man with the ‘baloney
amputation’. Below knee amputation I might suggest. A
letter in a medical journal told of a
hospital department regulated by ‘ Sir Michael Spears.’ The letter should have
referred to ‘cervical smears’. And fibroids
of the uterus used to be ‘fireballs of the uterus’, now called firewalls of the
uterus.
But
then again, ‘the first noel, the angel
did say, was to surgeons and shepherds in fields as they lay.’
I
did have a patient who was both confused and trying to be helpful, she couldn’t
remember the big long name but she was on ‘Anti bi ollocks.’
When
I was very wee, my reader at school was ‘New worlds to Conquer.’ It was full of
stories of Thor Heyerdahl. Fab. Then I found the story about the man himself when
he was at the BBC and they arranged for a car to take him to the airport. Cars
came and went, but none for him. One car whoever waited a long time. Then the
driver was asked who he was going to pick up. ‘Dogs,’ he said. ‘I’m here for
four Airedales.’
If you
listen hard to Stevie Winwood ‘Bring me a higher love.’ He is actually singing
‘Bring me an iron lung.’
There
was another reported by letter in The Times. A medical secretary typed ‘jockstrap
position’. The phrase that had been dictated was of course ‘juxtaposition’. But food for thought.
The
disease cystic fibrosis has the well-known euphamisim /Mondegreen ‘sixty five
roses.’
And
while we are on bodily parts. Adam Ant? Stand and Deliver? Stan it’s my liver.
And what about these
books that should have been written. Donkey hote. Danger mouse liaisons. Catch one in the eye.
I think the one that
might appeal most to the MIE bloggers comes from the author Monica Dickens. In
1964 she was at a book signing and a lady handed her a book. The woman said, as
the author opened the page ready to sign, Emma Chisit.
Monica signed the book, to Emma Chisit
as she realised the woman had actually said, How much is it?
Caro
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